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u spoil me...


i love you.

而是, 我不懂该说些什么才好。
i need to vomit this thing out of my mind..

it's not that he doesn't treat me well.
he thinks that he treats me well... 

but deep in myself, i feel that i'm not being appreciated.

though i have no body figure like jolin tsai, the face of angel like michelle reis, the beautiful voice like mariah carey, the good acting like maggie cheung, the perfect score in school like utada hikaru....
but still... i am who i am.

i stand on my own mind.

i dun care dee lah..
if i feel i'm not being treated well again, i'm gonna runaway.
chi yng knows...  chi yng told me what to do...

and i know i will when it reaches a point that i cannot take it anymore... though i love him.


tell me how?

there are time that i'm feeling blue.
and this is the time.

the question is "is he into me?"

met up with the girls today...
updated with each other about our lives.
it's always nice to catch up with each other once in a while but not too often.
because we will have no conflicts and no arguments.
as usual... we are always lame.

the funniest - Audrey
the quietest - Wai Ling
the slowest - Tob
the coolest - Khai Lim
the lame-est - myself
lost the most - Wan Theng

6 of us met up and i actually know the characteristics for each one of us.

We talked about studies... lay sye and steven, chi yng and joseph, sze mun and joseph, and ourselves.
about relationship...
the topic actually made me think so much now.

Audrey is enjoying so much with Henry...
Khai Lim is moving well with Mervin...
Myself... i don't know.

I don't want to be in a situation that I have no idea where I'm heading towards.
I'm scared.
I have enough of bad experience and each time before things worsening, I have more or less the same feeling like how I'm feeling now.

Shit right?
Not many actually see the sorrow side of me.
I'm just trying hard to cover up myself.
I'm not letting others to see the weakest me.
Never again.
I was a crying doll...
but now I hold myself very hard unless I have no way to hide anymore.

This time I'm finding a place to hide myself before I collapse.
I can't imagine how would i be this time if it happens again.
I'm preparing for the worst because
I know I'm nothing to him...

Yeah.. yeah..
i'm back..
i still remember my way back home to livejournal.

Well, this is actually my first blog.
I dun blog here most of the time because of the picture posting problem.

But usually this is where I blog about my feeling... my mind... my heart..
Sound so serious.

Let go to old one and moving to the new one.
The period of half-a-year is over.

The one before Y found his new partner in life, though i'm feeling a lil sour, but still i congrulate for his new phase of life.
But there is something i realised.
He is good in pretending.
Luckily I'm no longer with one that is good in pretending.
Xin Ku de...

And remember, yours truly, does thing only with proof.

Well, about myself.
I'm moving on well.
He is behaving... that makes me happier.
When I'm feeling moody, he cares for me.
Though I have yet to find security from him, but so far so good...
I have no prob with his parents.
They are nice and easy going.

About his friends, getting along well.
The only problem is I don't smoke and drink.
So at time, I'll be unhappy if it's stuffy for me.
Drinking, I'm drinking a little.
I believe one day I'll need to drink with colleagues.
But I have limit and he doesn't let me drink too much.

At this time, I am missing him badly.
Didn't see him for 2 days dee...
Not sure if I'll be seeing him tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow or sat or sunday??
I have no idea.
But I hope that we can welcome 2007 together.
Wishing for a brand new beginning for me, a better tomorrow for the both of us.

Honestly, I'm afraid things don't go well for us.
There is a gap between us.
It's not that I mind ... his background.
But in the future, I would have dreams to achieve and I'm afraid there will be a bigger gap between us.
That's why sometimes I tend to pressure him a lil in his career.

Though some people say love one must accept one's everything.
But after the previous relationship, I'm being realistic.
Especially if you were to talk about marriage in the future....
Marriage is not between 2... but between 2 families.
I don't think there is any problem between his and my family.

But it's between my demand and his fulfilling capability.
In 6-month time, I'll finish my degree....
I'll be a uni grad....
Though I didn't put in effort for the past 4 months, but from Jan 2007, I'll be dying to study.
I can't afford to pay up my degree for the joy now.
It is not worth it.

After that, I'll be getting myself a job.
Salary wise, I'm worried.
I'm worried that I can't afford to pay for tuition fees if I'm doing professional papers.


On the other hand, will he be able to support me???

too many questions now.

And i can't be bothered to think about the answers.
I'm comforting myself with "boat reach port automatic straight" from Wei Ken.

But as at now, I'm being showered with love.
And that is what makes me so happy.
And the happiest thing is I don't depend on him a lot.
I'm finally independent.
But I would rather be a "xiao nv ren".

FYI... i bought nothing i wanted except for BOOKS!!!
I have a long list of books to buy by next week..
Once I receive my allowance... I'll sapu the books back.

i'm back to the blogging sphere...
but i still want my livejournal to be a place for me to breathe!!

i wanna get married becaz
i saw my cousin get married happily...
i heard my primary school classmate got married too..

so do i!!!

but where is the dream hubby of mine??
It's already July...
The idotic-me still doing nothing.
Trying to gain back my life but sometimes I just can't help with things happened.

Tell me how?
It got worse now..
I really have no idea what to do now.
I think I need a break.
Too many times that I'm being left alone.
Too many times that I'm supporting myself alone.

Too many times that I realise I can't take it anymore.

All look very fake.. Fake!

I'm feeling so bad.
I don't know how I am going to sit for exam on Tues.
I know i'm going to repeat this paper again.
You scored as Accounting/Finance/Econ. Related majors that match your highest scored category: Accounting, Business Management, Computer/Management Information Systems (CIS or MIS), Economics, Entrepreneurship, Finance, Hospitality, Human Resource Management, International Business, Leadership, Marketing, Mathematics, Operations Management, Industrial/Organizational Psychology, Public Administration, Real Estate, Risk Management, Sports Management, Statistics.

Consider all majors in your OTHER high scoring categories. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. Consider adding a minor or double majoring. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.






























created with QuizFarm.com
h2>The Five Love Languages</h2>My primary love languages are probably
Acts of Service and Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Acts of Service: 9
Quality Time: 9
Physical Touch: 7
Words of Affirmation: 3
Receiving Gifts: 2


Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz